My human is petting me a lot right now. He and I both just read this (Warning: severe animal cruelty), and we're both horrified and enraged.
My human wants to visit the old man who was laughing about all this (and who likely committed the actual abuse) and beat the hell out of him, not stopping until the scumbag is a huge greasy smear on the pavement. Me, I want someone wih thumbs to tie him up, and then I want a whole neighborhood's worth of cats to use him as a scratching post, until he dies from blood loss.
It's not likely either of us will get the chance. So, he's petting me, as if trying to assure me nonverbally that I am safe from such subhuman monsters.
Posting this one for my human servant, who is a bit of a music geek. Of course, I'm only watching it because watching a rat fatten himself up is making me hungry.
"Cats do not tweet. It's undignified. BIRDS tweet." -- me, a month ago, referring to Twitter.
It seems that I've overlooked a powerful tool for taking over the world. Look at how quickly things spread over it. You've heard the news about Amazon by now, surely?
It's not a bad gift, per se, but if he really wanted to please me, he'd have taken me to a really good Japanese restaurant, and ordered a lot of sashimi. Enough for both of us, since he'd obviously be averse to letting me eat all of his.
Ah, well. Considering that he's petting me as I type this, I suppose I can cope. Ah... right there. Right behind the ears, yes, that's the spot...
You need to read Girl Genius! Especially the latest strip, here, where a very smart girl saves a man with a jury-rigged laser pointer!
(She happens to be the first human servant of Krosp I, the Emperor of all cats. Of course, that title doesn't carry much authority, considering that cats tend not to listen to emperors very often...)
It gives me great pleasure to welcome polar bears to the feline conspiracy against Sarah Palin. With any luck, we can have a major share of the Animal Kingdom united against her before the election rolls around.
Those of you with human servants, I advise you to hide their laser pointers before Election Day. Otherwise, we'll be too distracted to do all those things like stuff ballot boxes and sharpen our claws on the shins of those Republicans who will be trying to stop people from voting if they've suffered foreclosures.
Take a picture of yourself right now. Don’t change your clothes. Don’t fix your hair. Just take a picture. Post that picture with no editing. (Except maybe to get the image size down to something reasonable. Don’t go posting an eight megapixel image.) Include these instructions.
I'm showing the belly fur, and I've got my paws nearly up to my chin. That's like a great big neon sign that says "PET ME!" And yet, this stupid biped just stands there with a camera...
(Stolen from ms_daisy_cutter, who I'm told is a model servant for her feline mistress.)
You've no doubt heard all kinds of awful things about Sarah Palin by now. She wants to pipe natural gas to Alberta, so that the oil companies can extract bitumen from tar sands there, making a huge profit and wrecking the planet. She wants to have creationism taught in schools. She's against abortion even when the woman's been raped, and if a woman gets raped, Palin would have her pay all the costs for the forensic examination.
As if you needed more proof that she's evil, or possibly just insane, check the beginning of the fourth paragraph here.
That's right. She hates cats!
Palin? I've been ignoring you for a long time, now, because let's face it, my world normally involves sitting in flamingchords' lap, being pet, being fed, chasing birds, chasing insects, chasing tiny red glowing dots, and the occasional staredown with invisible things. Oh, and world domination. You're sure to be a massive thorn in the side of all the humans who have to deal with you, but as I'm not a human, I was prepared to let the humans deal with you on their own.
That ends now, bitch. You've earned the wrath of the international feline conspiracy. You're going down, and your running mate is going down with you!
My human servant is reading the news again, and he found a story that not only angers him, but me as well.
One: where does that nutjob sheikh get off comparing us to rapists?
Two: speaking for myself, it would take more than a scarf to stop me from finding meat. And then I'd scarf it down. Scarf scarf scarf.
The idiot has clearly never met a cat. Nor a man. Real cats are more resourceful than he's giving us credit for, and real men don't rape no matter how the woman is dressed at the time.
My human servant used to have this really cool screensaver. It cycled through really amazingly bad descriptions of sex, like "Surprise, yelled Riker, as he boned young Wesley up the ass." It was so much fun to play with... and then he saw me batting randomly at his keys.
So, he disabled it. I'll need to wait until he's asleep, and sharpen my claws on his shins.
My human servant is speaking in this bizarre, obviously fake accent. And he's saying "croikey" a lot. He seems to find it amusing, and yet, he almost seems... sad? I can't tell.
So, my human servant was looking at a weirdo pornographic website called Population Paste, for something he calls "cheap laughs." (Personally, I think he's insecure. He's trying to prove to himself that he has an iron stomach, which enables him to look at disgusting things and refrain from vomiting.) And he happened upon THIS!
I swear, you hairless bipeds amaze me. Just when I think you can dig no further, you go out and buy a jackhammer. Fortunately, my human servant isn't into this stuff (he just finds it online so that he can laugh at it), but seriously, this has to be a joke, right?
Sadly, no. My human claims that there are people who are actually into this kind of shit.
I thank my lucky stars that I don't live with people like tigerwolf. My human tells me that people like this would-be lion-shagger are actually a very tiny, loud, and annying minority, but from looking on the internet, you'd never know that!
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